Still impressed by digital watches?

Chicago.

This is so depressing. (If you prefer, go ahead and get depressed by the accompanying graphic.)

I see two¹ potential explanations for Americans' failure to grasp evolutionary theory:

1. Americans are scientifically illiterate. A few reasons to suppose this:

• Religious fundamentalism, in various splintery forms, has come back with alarming strength, attempting to replace science and rationality with various twists on "because I said so."²
  
  
• There's a strange aversion to understanding the sciences in this country, even among the well-educated. One can be well-versed in the arts and, somehow, wear scientific illiteracy as a badge of honor. Overall, there's a distinct current of anti-intellectualism these days, and the sciences seem to have it the worst.³
  
  
• Science - in light of the previous two points - has become a political issue. Not that this is the first time, of course. (See Galileo Galilei for a well-known example.)

2. Americans haven't actually evolved from the various apes, monkeys, and other animals down the evolutionary tree. Reasons to suppose this:

• Religious fundamentalism and an irrational fear of science seem like the sort of abstract concepts a chimpanzee could handle. Perhaps also some of the more cunning monkeys.
  
  
• With the recent advances in electrolysis, shaving technology⁴, cosmetic surgery and related fields, your average gorilla or orangutan stands a fair chance of passing for human.⁵
  
  
• Have you looked around the internet? Monkeys on typewriters. In case you're short on handy examples, you might want to try the Weird Earl's archive on the Straight Dope website.
  
  
• I wouldn't be at all surprised to find out that the loudmouth, right-wing blowhards on radio and TV are actually well-groomed⁶ baboons. Loud, angry, prone to resorting to threats and violence to resolving conflicts? Sounds like baboons to me.

* * * * *

¹Okay, three. The paper's authors could be making this up, just for kicks. If only that had the tiniest potential of really being true.

²This sort of logic is okay when arguing with four-year-olds. There's a reason - actually, lots of them - why evolution is the current scientific theory. For starters, there's the fact that it stands up to the scientific method approach of testing hypotheses and such.

³I'm counting mathematics in among the sciences. If I couldn't handle basic arithmetic - say, doubling a recipe or calculating a tip - I wouldn't consider it a funny, slightly self-deprecating thing to mention at parties. I'd put it up there with being unable to read. It's rare to find someone who's proud of being illiterate these days. Especially someone who doesn't appear to have a host of mental problems, as well.

⁴I use a shaving brush and soap, and I'd consider using a straight razor if I knew where to get one.

⁵Lrrr: "I recognize her slumping posture and hairy knuckles."

⁶Heck, the ones on the radio don't even need to wash up.